Monday, 28 June 2010 13:54
Written by Bob Flack
Last Saturday I had the privilege of leading the worship at a wedding. Since many from our own fellowship are not invited or able to attend every wedding, I have begun to post my scriptural charges to the bride and groom here on the blog. Here's the one from June 19.
Don’t Start from Scratch
What will it look like for the two of you to be married, to live life together, to form a family and household, to keep this covenant and fulfill the vows they are about to take? On the one hand, the answer is, "Nobody knows." You are two different people, each with your own background, experiences, and expectations. You and your marriage will be unique to you.
Neither you nor any other human could predict how you will change individually and together as in this new relationship. We can only imagine what challenges and delights lay ahead. We cannot anticipate how the world around you will change and the affect it will have on your marriage.
But let's be honest. We live in a world where an increasingly loud voice will tell you that you can make marriage whatever you want it to be. This relationship is yours to define and display according to your personal instincts, whatever might inform them. You are certainly not bound by any tradition or authority.
When we answer the question, "What will your marriage look like?" by saying "Nobody knows," it might seem as if we're saying you get to start from scratch.
Do not start from scratch but from Scripture. Here at your wedding ceremony you have chosen to read from God's word. You have directed our attention to a passage from Ephesians (5:22-33) that reaches even further back to the beginning of human history and God's design for human marriage. You have called up the living tradition. You have acknowledged that there is a recipe to follow. This is not a free for all. When addressing contemporary assumptions about love in a recently published book, Jonathan Leeman began with this very point.
"Assumption one is that no boundaries can be placed on love. Rather, love establishes all boundaries. There is no conception of truth or holiness or wisdom to condition of give a structure to such love. Love runs free, unbound by truth."
This is how many think today. But it is a recipe for disaster. Actually, it is no recipe at all. It sounds great but it is scary. By God's grace, you have chosen a different path. It is a path that views structure as a support and stimulus to love, not a strangler of love. It is a recipe for a covenant relationship that assigns each of you a different role. As a husband, love this woman by acting toward her as Jesus acts toward his bride, the church. Pprovide for and protect her and any children you may have to the point of sacrificing your life. Always lead her toward God's best. Renew her.
Love your husband by supporting him and submitting to him as the church is to submit to Christ. Direct your womanhood to encourage him to become and accomplish God's best for him and your family. Respect him.
Along with these prescriptions, I have good and bad news. The bad news is that fewer people are walking this path. You will find little cultural support to keep your marriage together on these biblical terms. In subtle and at times direct ways, you will hear the message that your approach is out-dated and even destructive. I urge you to settle it today that you are going to live out your marriage not according to the spirit of the age in order to please people, but according to God's design in order to please Him. In the paragraph just before the one Mark read, we are warned,
Ephesians 5:15-16 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.
Do not be foolish about marriage. Seek God's wisdom. This is a daunting challenge. You will meet it only with God's strength pouring through you by the Holy Spirit. It is no accident that in the paragraph just before the one we read God calls his people to be filled with the Spirit; place yourselves under the control of the Spirit and live dependent on his power.
The good news is that you don't have to invent marriage. You don't have to make it up as you go along. God's Spirit has given you a rich treasury of help in the Bible. In his word you have the teaching of dozens of passages specifically about marriage. You have the many memorable principles of the book of Proverbs. You have the example of godly men and women. You have the passionate poetry of the Song of Solomon. Most of all, you have the gospel of Jesus himself woven through every page to show us what true love and submission look like.
Make the worship of God through his word a priority in your relationship. Read it together. Sing songs together that help you understand and remember his word. Pray the Bible into your marriage. Start from the very beginning to make family worship a foundation stone in your home. And just as your marriage is a picture of the church, it should also be part of the church. You don't have to take on the challenge of marriage by yourselves. Take the scary step of getting deeply involved in a strong church, one that will encourage you in God's design for your life. Open yourselves to friendships within the church. Find an older couple in the fellowship and ask them, "Can we call you if we're having problems."
I praise God that you have started here, taking your vows in the shadow of a cross with God's word still echoing in this place of worship. Ground yourself in its truth so that the strange winds that blow today do not sweep you away.
And for those of you who are witnesses today, I remind you that this relationship is a picture of the gospel. In marriage we have a man giving all he is and has to a woman who gives all her love in return. It is a living sign of the love that Jesus has for his people in dying for them and rising again to give them new life. The purity of the white of Stephanie's gown is a picture of the clean heart that Jesus creates in all who trust in Him. You cannot walk away from this ceremony without realizing that you have confronted a wonderful reality. There is a God who created marriage for the blessing of human beings. This same God did not walk away from this creation when we sinned against Him. He came into this creation as a man in the person of his Son Jesus Christ.
Jesus lived a perfect human life. Jesus died to sacrifice himself and bear the sins of all who would trust in Him. You are faced with a decision about what you will do with Jesus. He is here now and his mercy is flowing to those who humble themselves, turn from their pride, and vow their love to Him forever. If you have never embraced this Jesus as your husband & Savior, I urge you even now to come to Him.
I remind the two of you before me that, as you have professed to belong to Christ, so now walk with him. The path you walk will be difficult in this world, but with Him it is never lonely. I commit you to his blessing. Amen